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Do you like to have fun? Sure, we all do—it’s fun when we’re having fun!
Following is a sample calendar from one of our happy, fully natural chapters. What are you waiting for? Free yourself the restriction of clothes and pick up a croquet mallet! Although not necessarily in that order! Fully Clothed Natural fun is right around the bend.
JANUARY:
New Year’s Day Party: Members renew resolutions to maintain nudity even while in a fully clothed situation.
Ski Trip: Location to be announced. Let’s not have a repeat of last year’s “Let’s See How Many People We Can Fit In the Hot Tub” incident, all right?
FEBRUARY
Valentine’s Day Dance: This is our members’ big chance to put our principles of naturalism into action with a member of the opposite (or, should s/he desire, the same) sex. It’s an excellent chance to introduce a suspicious spouse or significant other to the world of Fully Clothed Naturalism, by which we mean, this event involves a significant amount of alcohol.
MARCH
First Day of Spring Ritual: Members celebrate the arrival of warmer weather by dancing about in a meadow of choice. Non-clothed nudity may or may not occur, depending upon the amount of law enforcement professionals in the area.
APRIL
Easter/Passover/Religion of Choice Potluck Brunch: Please bring a food item in a non-returnable container. We don’t care what religion you are. We just care that everybody goes home with the proper Tupperware.
Grand National kickoff celebration. Members place bets on which jockeys are naked beneath their silks.
MAY
International Association of Fully Clothed Naturists Convention! We are still in search of a location to hold all of our members. Bob in the Member Services office is working on renting a reasonably priced one-room, one-bathroom pub.
JUNE
We can’t think of anything to do for June. Maybe something in a park with ducks. People like ducks.
JULY
It’s the highlight of the year for our female members: The Miss Fully Clothed Naturists Beauty Competition. Applications may be obtained from your chapter office. One application per member. One gender per member.
AUGUST
Football Tournament: Shirts vs. Shirts
Annual meeting of the International Association of Fully Clothed Naturalists Literary Society: This year’s meeting will convene in Zimbabwe. Anybody who knows where Zimbabwe is actually located, please contact your chapter.
SEPTEMBER
Cross-cultural dance party with the International Association of Unclothed Naturists. Clothing potentially optional.
OCTOBER
Fall Festival! Rake naked!
Our Halloween celebration is marked by a costume contest and parade. Members are required to cover at least one foot.
NOVEMBER
Members are encouraged to contact their political representatives in an effort for official recognition of World International Association of Fully Clothed Naturists Day, in which we will encourage our non-Naturist brothers and sisters to rally for our cause by wearing clothes. O glorious day!
DECEMBER:
Hanukkah celebration: “Eight Nights of Fully Decent Nudity.”
Christmas luncheon. Please bring your own presents. And food. And alcohol. And boots. And clothes.
New Year’s Eve party; clothing required, underwear optional
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