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The following patrons proudly accept your IAFCN membership card for entry, discounts, free gifts, or sanctuary in intergalactic warfare:
-James’ Pubful Pub, Fish ‘n’ Chips, and Chap Emporium, UK: Identify yourself as a member of IAFCN for a free pint.*
-All IAFCN ladies will enjoy a 10% discount on purchases at all participating Zane’s department stores.**
-Your IAFCN card provides you free access to any and all IAFCN-sponsored events.***
-Bob’s Chili in Kansas City, USA, will gladly serve all IAFCN members a free dish of soda crackers with each meal.****
-Our partners at Permanently Delayed Airlines offer double Frequent Flier Miles to all IAFCN members.*****
* Of tap water.
**As long as the item is already 10% off.
***But we reserve the right to kick you out of you are particularly malodorous that day.
****No restrictions on this one. It’s a dish of damn soda crackers. They’re banking on the assumption that you’re so gullible you’ll be reigned in by free crackers, which cost all of four cents, that you’ll spend $28.50 on their One-Man Feast Entrée. Don’t say we didn’t warn you.
*****As long as you’re traveling from Panama to Iceland at 2:14 in the morning with one piece of carry on luggage and are willing to make eighty-seven stops in between and accept the fact that you are going to be riding in the little compartment where they keep the landing gear. A grip bar will be provided in the event the landing gear must be extended before making a final approach.
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