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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and . . . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes, 50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut as soon as possible!!!
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| Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of engagement party jokes and other funny jokes
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Government Humor
Three Republicans walk into a bar. The bartender says, 'We don't serve Republicans here. 'The Republicans say, 'That's OK. . . We don't serve you either.
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Love and Marriage Joke
It's not what you say, but the way you say it. On a blind date, the boy said to the girl: 'Time stands still when I look into your eyes. ' The girl was very flattered. What the boy had really meant was, 'You have a face that would stop a clock. '
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Funny School Kids Joke
'When I was at school I was as smart as the nest fellow. '
'Yes, but the next fellow was a complete idiot. '
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Hair and bald Joke
What's your dad getting for Christmas? Bald and fat.
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Mad Joke
Jill tells her husband, 'Jack, that young couple that just moved in next door seem such a loving twosome. Every morning, when he leaves the house, he kisses her goodbye, and every evening when he comes homes, he brings her a dozen roses. Now, why can't you do that?''Gosh, ' Jack says, 'why I hardly know the girl!'
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Father Joke
'If you had a dollar,' quizzed the teacher, 'and you asked your father for another dollar and fifty cents, how much money would you have?'
'One dollar. ' answered little Johnny
'You don't know your basic math. ' said the teacher shaking her head, disappoi
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Kids Puns
Mr. Jones gets a call from the hospital. They tell him his wife's been in a terrible car accident. He rushes to the hospital, runs in to the ER and says his wife's been in an accident. They tell him Dr. Smith is handling the case and they page the doctor. Doc comes out to the waiting room to see a terribly upset Mr. Jones. 'Mr. Jones?' the doctor asks. 'Yes sir, what's happened? How is my wife?'The doctor sits next to him and says, 'Not good news. Your wife's accident resulted in two fractures of her spine. ''Oh my God' says Mr. Jones, 'what will be her prognosis?''Well, Mr. Jones, her vital signs are stable. However, her spine is inoperable. She'll have no motor skills or capability. This means you will have to feed her. 'Mr. Jones begins to sob. 'And you'll have to turn her in her bed every two hours to prevent pneumonia. 'Mr. Jones begins to wail and cry loudly. 'Then, of course, ' the doctor continued, 'you'll have to diaper her as she'll have no control over her bladder and of course these diapers must be changed at least five times a day. 'Mr. Jones begins to shake as he cries, sobs, wails. The doctor continues: 'And you'll have to clean up her feces on a regular basis as she'll have no control over her sphincters. Her bowel will engorge whenever and quite often I'm afraid. Of course you must clean her immediately to avoid accumulation of the putrid effluent she'll be emitting regularly. 'Now Mr. Jones is convulsing and sobbing uncontrollably and beginning to wither off the bench into a sobbing pitiful mass. Just then Dr. Smith reaches out his hand and pats Mr. Jones on the shoulder and says -'Hey, I'm just messinging with you, dude. . . You don't have to do all that stuff - she's dead!'
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Children Joke
A mother was reading a book about animals to her 3 year old daughter. Mother: 'What does the cow say?' Child: 'Moo!' Mother: 'Great! What does the cat say?' Child: 'Meow. ' Mother: 'Oh, you're so smart! What does the frog say?' And this wide-eyed little 3 year-old looked up at her mother and in her deepest voice replied, 'Bud. '
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Note : Many of our jokes have been submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let us know and they will be removed immediately.
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