what to do when terrorists strike emergency procedures

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what to do when terrorists strike

emergency procedures

YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!!!

The US government has a new website, http://www.ready.gov.

The thing is that the pictures from the site clearly show how to react under extreme conditions. Below are just a few of the most helpful.

If you set yourself on fire, run like hell

If you spot a terrorist, disarm him using your nuclear terrorist--seeking whistle. Warning swallowing the whistle causes baldness.

If shot by a terrorist arrow, seek medical attention immediately

If you are sprayed with a deadly substance, you have four minutes to come up with a cool design for a new tattoo.

If, during an attack, an archaeological dig goes suddenly wrong call out, “Beam me up Scottie.”

If the mains water supply is affected floating taps will be deployed. Use these to destroy deadly smallpox, black plague and acne bacteria.

Confuse terrorists by doing a Michael Jackson impersonation.

 

Royalties on your tattoo design will be plentiful. Expect to receive an abundance of dead birds and fish.

If an eye falls out it may be due fast spreading, terrorist induced, leprosy. Rubbing your hands together will not help but it will keep them occupied until they fall off too.

In an emergency do not forget the etiquette of panic – woman, children and dismembered hands go first..

The half-life of terrorist’s favorite substance is five minutes, twelve seconds. At this point your half-life becomes 0.00132 seconds.

Exposure to radiation can provide unsuspected benefits – your penis will grow to four foot in length. Sadly it will be red and shaped like an arrow.

If you forget to close the window during a nuclear explosion shield the sound by stuffing a finger in each ear.

To boost morale during periods of prolonged attacks supper new dance routines will be taught.

The above anatomical guide will assist you in replacing dismembered organs.

Beware of the huge red wheels often launched by terrorists.

If you lose a contact lens during a chemical attack find it immediately. Use the special contact-lens-recovery-position to reinsert into your eye.

During wars, as in times of peace, it is not advisable to crash into pylons.

Caution! Radioactive substances often hide behind sheets of plywood.

During a terrorist attack you are likely to be “called up” to serve your country. Weapons may be in short supply so please come armed with suitable household objects.