Marriage Quotations -2

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Honeymoon: A short period of doting between dating and debting.

-- Ray Bandy

 

In the past decade or so, the women's magazines have taken to running home-handyperson articles suggesting that women can learn to fix things just as well as men. These articles are apparently based on the ludicrous assumption that _men_ know how to fix things, when in fact all they know how to do is _look_ at things in a certain squinty-eyed manner, which they learned in Wood Shop; eventually, when enough things in the home are broken, they take a job requiring them to transfer to another home.

-- Dave Barry

 

Most married couples, even though they love each other very much in theory, tend to view each other in practice as large teeming flaw colonies, the result being that they get on each other's nerves and regularly erupt into vicious emotional shouting matches over such issues as toaster settings.

-- Dave Barry

 

If it is your time, love will track you down like a cruise missile.

-- Lynda Barry

 

Marriage is low down, but you spend the rest of your life paying for it.

-- Baskins

 

A sweetheart is a bottle of wine, a wife is a wine bottle.

-- Baudelaire

 

To keep your marriage brimming, with love in the wedding cup, whenever you're wrong, admit it; whenever you're right, shut up.

-- Ogden Nash

 

I feel like Zsa Zsa Gabor's sixth husband. I know what I'm supposed to do, but I don't know how to make it interesting.

-- Milton Berle, when called to the microphone at the 2nd Annual Comedians Hall of Fame Inductions

 

Patience with others is Love,

Patience with self is Hope,

Patience with God is Faith.

-- Adel Bestavros

 

The world has suffered more from the ravages of ill-advised marriages than from virginity.

-- Ambrose Bierce

 

 

ARDOR, n. The quality that distinguishes love without knowledge.

-- Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary, 1911

 

LOVE, n. A temporary insanity curable by marriage or by removal of the patient from the influences under which he incurred the disorder... It is sometimes fatal, but more frequently to the physician than to the patient.

-- Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary, 1911

 

MARRIAGE, n. The state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress and two slaves, making in all, two.

-- Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary, 1911

 

Love looks through a telescope; envy, through a microscope.

-- Josh Billings

 

The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing -- and then marry him.

-- Cher

 

I date this girl for two years--and then the nagging starts: "I wanna know your name."

-- Mike Binder

 

I have spread my dreams under your feet;

Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.

-- William Butler Yeats, from "He wishes for the cloths of heaven"

 

Love is what we are born with. Fear is what we learn. The spiritual journey is the unlearning of fear and prejudices and the acceptance of love back in our hearts. Love is the essential reality and our purpose on earth. To be consciously aware of it, to experience love in ourselves and others, is the meaning of life. Meaning does not lie in things. Meaning lies in us.

-- Marianne Williamson, A Return to Love

 

I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.

-- David Bissonette

 

Love matches are made by people who are content, for a month of honey, to condemn themselves to a life of vinegar.

-- Countess of Blessington

 

Marriage is not a ritual or an end. It is a long, intricate, intimate dance together and nothing matters more than your own sense of balance and your choice of partner.

-- Amy Bloom

 

 

Ah Mozart! He was happily married - but his wife wasn't.

-- Victor Borge

 

To love someone deeply gives you strength. Being loved by someone deeply gives you courage.

-- Lao Tzu

 

Miracles occur naturally as expressions of love. The real miracle is the love that inspires them. In this sense everything that comes from love is a miracle.

-- Marianne Williamson

 

In the blithe days of honeymoon,

With Kate's allurements smitten,

I lov'd her late, I lov'd her soon,

And call'd her dearest kitten.

But now my kitten's grown a cat,

And cross like other wives.

O! By my soul my honest Mat,

I fear she has nine lives.

-- James Boswell, Life of Johnson

 

Love me or hate me, but spare me your indifference.

-- Libbie Fudim

 

To love is to receive a glimpse of heaven.

-- Karen Sunde

 

It is a known fact that men are practical, hardheaded realists, in contrast to women, who are romantic dreamers and actually believe that estrogenic skin cream must do something or they couldn't charge sixteen dollars for that little tiny jar.

-- Jane Goodsell

 

Choose a wife by your ear than your eye.

-- Thomas Fuller, 1732

 

Love and work are the cornerstones of our humanness.

-- Sigmund Freud

 

Life is the flower for which love is the honey.

-- Victor Hugo

 

'Tis better to have loved and lost

Than never to have loved at all.

-- Alfred, Lord Tennyson

 

 

Men marry because they are tired, women because they are curious; both are disappointed.

-- Oscar Wilde

 

Who, being loved, is poor?

-- Oscar Wilde

 

Love is the flower of life, and blossoms unexpectedly and without law, and must be plucked where it is found, and enjoyed for the brief hour of its duration.

-- D. H. Lawrence

 

 

We look forward to the time when the power to love of will replace the love of power. Then will our world know the blessings of peace.

-- William Gladstone

 

One survey found that ten percent of Americans thought Joan of Arc was Noah's wife....

-- Robert Boynton

 

If ever two were one, then surely we.

If ever man were loved by wife, then thee.

-- Anne Bradstreet

 

I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years.

-- Sam Kinison

 

For a male and female to live continuously together is...biologically speaking, an extremely unnatural condition.

-- Robert Briffault

 

My mother-in-law broke up my marriage. My wife came home from work one day and found me in bed with her.

-- Lenny Bruce

 

Never tell. Not if you love your wife... In fact, if your old lady walks in on you, deny it. Yeah. Just flat out and she'll believe it: "I'm tellin' ya. This chick came downstairs with a sign around her neck 'Lay on Top of Me Or I'll Die.' I didn't know what I was gonna do...."

-- Lenny Bruce

 

Husbands are awkward things to deal with; even keeping them in hot water will not make them tender.

-- Mary Buckley

 

Your life and my life flow into each other as wave flows into wave, and unless there is peace and joy and freedom for you, there can be no real peace or joy or freedom for me. To see reality--not as we expect it to be but as it is--is to see that unless we live for each other and in and through each other, we do not really live very satisfactorily; that there can really be life only where there really is, in just this sense, love.

-- Frederick Buechner, The Magnificent Defeat

 

Gravitation cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.

-- Albert Einstein

 

The love we give away is the only love we keep.

-- Elbert Hubbard

 

Men always want to be a woman's first love - women like to be a man's last romance.

-- Oscar Wilde

 

A compliment is like a kiss through a veil.

-- Victor Hugo

 

Love is blind -- marriage is the eye-opener.

-- Pauline Thomason

 

The first duty of love is to listen.

-- Paul Tillich

 

There is a courtesy of the heart; it is allied to love. From it springs the purest courtesy in the outward behavior.

-- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

 

In a great romance, each person plays a part the other really likes.

-- Elizabeth Ashley

 

Love is blind and marriage is the institution for the blind.

-- James Graham

 

Honeymoon: A short period of doting between dating and debting.

-- Ray Bandy

 

Remember that happiness is a way of travel, not a destination.

-- Roy Goodman

 

Marriage is not a ritual or an end. It is a long, intricate, intimate dance together and nothing matters more than your own sense of balance and your choice of partner.

-- Amy Bloom

 

In the arithmetic of love, one plus one equals everything,

and two minus one equals nothing.

Mignon McLaughlin

 

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